Catch Her Cheating


No one wants their beloved loving up a stranger’s bed, but, let’s be honest, it happens. More often than anyone would like to admit, I’m sure. Maybe more often than anyone is even aware. But in the event that you are one suspicious person, completely intolerant of inappropriate love affairs (most of us are) and relentlessly pursuing some answers, not to worry – they’re certainly there. It’s a mere matter of cleverness and keenness that’s required on your part in order to out-cheat your cheater before she sees it coming.

Casual Cheater vs. Criminal Cheater

Let’s make a distinction here, shall we? There’s a severe difference between a lady who acts out mid-dance floor while under the influence of too many malibu breezes and wild bar women instigating trouble. A woman who is emotionally confused and caught in the wrong scenario is like a vulnerable baby on the playground – she’ll try to climb that slide backwards even if it seems stupid, simply because the blonde, pretty girl told her to. Totally different from a whore repeatedly stashing away weekly episodes behind your ass.

Of course, cheating’s cheating, and some of us have a zero tolerance policy. And if you’ve lately been stranded on the rocks romantically, meaning – it’s been rough around here even after trying every last method of salvaging something – you may have reason to investigate. So, if your partner ashamedly sneaks home in a manner that triggers your inner What-Don’t-I-Know alarm and you’re boiling over with curiosity and coming rage, take a gander at the Try-Everything-Left list. Remember that this

list aids men in uncovering both kinds of cheaters. Once you’ve established that she in fact HAS cheated on you, establish how many times, how many men. Your lady may be more or less innocent that you might anticipate.

Cheater Check List

Preparation: To avoid being a paranoid asshole like Robert Deniro in Raging Bull, banging around insisting your innocent woman has fallen from grave, make sure to check in with yourself first. Are your romantic responsibilities in tact? If not, all this hoopla may be for nothing. You’ll know, after reading on, how likely that is.

#1 Does she avert her eyes during sex?

If she can’t bear to straight-face you in the bedroom, it is always a sign of alarm. Try asking her if she’s alright, why won’t she relax with you? If she responds in an oddly defensive manner, snapping back something like, "Since when did you care how I feel during sex?" or in a strangely guilty manner, turning to you, burying her face in your chest and sobbing, "I’m so sorry," then she’s certainly got something secret going on.

#2 Does she face away from you in preparation for sleep?

Yes, some of us are fickle sleepers and have particular way of contorting our bodies in order to get comfortable. But, when in love, all of us have consideration for the other lump of flesh occupying our bed – especially most women. So, if every night, she seems to be making special efforts not to curl into your arms or touch feet, she is physically manifesting her inner feelings of isolation from you.

#3 Has she suddenly grown cold/quiet?

As a reaction to guilt, many women layer on a serious face and refuse humor, joy, light-hearted teasing and casual sex. Worst of all, she’ll most likely pretend as if she’s not acting weirdly at all when you ask.

#4 Has suddenly grown crazily affectionate/loving?

Sometimes women just re-realize how much they love their men. Sometimes. Other times, they are responding to a lump of guilt in their sinner’s stomachs that says to them "Shower him with love to make up for it and he’ll never know it." Of course, if you are smart enough to sense some overcompensation occurring here, don’t be fooled! Have her fork over some answers.

#5 Does she respond less than fantastically to overflowing attention and love?

Try showering HER with a little affection and see how it fairs. If your woman has cheated on you and has even the slightest bit of conscience, she will be a bit squeamish about special attention. She’ll either feel so guilty that she wants to evade the situation or very suspicious that you’ve found her out. Either way, you’ll notice its not the woman’s usual, excited response to excess.

#6 Does she want either to be alone with friends or in the company of friends while with you?

Ah, friends, what a great distraction from the demolition of a dying love affair, don’t you think? She does. If she’s uncomfortable addressing the obviousness of an intimate problem, she’ll either head to the bars with her homies or insist that you both go, that you double date, that you attend social gatherings and gab senselessly away. If she’s hiding something, she doesn’t want to sit around couch-side waiting for her to find her out.

Things to NEVER do in pursuit of evidence

If you’re having a bit of a hissy fit, because you’ve answered yes to at least a few of these questions, you may be about to do something stupid. DON’T. If you have any desire to give your partner a fair chance, the only direct thing to do is ASK. At first, you may come up against a million excuses, diversions and oppositions, but you’ll know what you’re after. Work at it, until she gives it to you. Sit her down and look her straight in the eye, demanding that she maintain eye contact. Do not appear increasingly angry or she will increasingly shrink back into a silent, useless state of fear. Just maintain the appearance of a cool head and ask even-handed, well-articulated questions. Eventually, she will crack.

Do not do these things instead

Read her Facebook inbox:

If you find out that she is cheating by rifling through her electronic drawers, not only will you have a displeasing discovery, you will also have no chance of mending the damage done. Because, somehow, you will sooner forgive a woman for cheating than she will forgive you for obstructing her privacy.

Ask her friends:

Friends tell friends. Period. Bottom line. Women are addicted to each other and the telling of un-sharable information. If, while grasping at straws, you break down and decide to ask her friend what the F is going on, you will only be alerting your woman via her friend’s loud mouth. Now your woman will have the advantage, knowing you’re onto her, and will better prepare herself for the interrogation.

Make Accusations:

In kindergarten, we were taught that to make accusations is pretty much the equivalent of murder. With women, it’s suicide. Particularly if she’s guilty, a woman will seethe and writhe inside when accused and try to write off this accusation as your disgusting lack of trust in her. It will give her a thousands ways to divert the conversation and, in the event that she’s innocent, a thousand excuses to leave you. And I mean hell, if this relationship’s going to end now, you at least got to be the one who gets to grab and slam some porcelain dishes.